TIGHT ENDS
The position exists.
We didn’t name it.
THE INDEPENDENT INSTITUTE OF FOOTBALL RESEARCHEST. FOR NO GOOD REASON
FOOTBALL IS GAY.
And that’s okay.
Men in skin-tight pants.
Tight ends.
Penetrating the defense.
Celebratory embraces.
An entire afternoon spent trying to get
into another man’s end zone.
We’re not judging.
We’re just watching football.
RESEARCH ONGOING. RESULTS QUESTIONABLE.ZERO JUDGMENT. QUESTIONABLE METHODOLOGY.
01 / THE CASE FILETHE
THE
EVIDENCE.
Same sport. Same terminology.
A wildly unnecessary conclusion.
MAN COVERAGE
Sometimes one man is assigned to follow another man everywhere he goes.
DEEP PENETRATION
Again, football’s terminology.
Not ours.
THE END ZONE
Eleven men working together for the opportunity to get inside it.
THE HUDDLE
Men standing extremely close together and discussing what they intend to do next.
02 / PEER REVIEW PENDING. INDEFINITELY.REPORT NO. FIG—001
OUR FINDINGS.
- FINDING #01
Football contains men.
- FINDING #02
Those men frequently touch each other.
- FINDING #03
This proves absolutely nothing about anyone’s sexuality.
- FINDING #04
We have nevertheless launched an entire website about it.
CONCLUSION:
FOOTBALL
IS GAY.
Probably.
We are continuing our research.
METHODOLOGY: WATCHING THE GAME. SAMPLE SIZE: THE GAME. CONFIDENCE: UNWARRANTED.
FROM THE NEWS DESK
CURRENT GAY NEWS.
The sport. The culture.
The completely unnecessary coverage.
Study Finds Football Remains Extremely Football
After extensive observation, researchers confirm the sport is still mostly men, a ball, and a great deal of unnecessary analysis.
Read the dispatch →Local Tight End Has Career Night; Researchers Take Notes
A strong performance at a position we continue to insist we did not name.
Read Local Tight End Has Career Night; Researchers Take NotesTwo Men Celebrate Touchdown With Prolonged Embrace; League Continues Normally
Sources describe the incident as “a touchdown celebration.” No further action is expected.
Read Two Men Celebrate Touchdown With Prolonged Embrace; League Continues NormallyResearchers Observe Another Successful Penetration of the Defense
The phrase was used by the commentator. We have preserved it for the record.
Read Researchers Observe Another Successful Penetration of the DefenseInstitute dispatches are satire. Outside reporting is attributed and links directly to its original publisher.
03 / A DIFFERENCE OF OPINIONOUR COLLEAGUES
OUR COLLEAGUES
DISAGREE.
The researchers at footballisnotgay.com have reached a radically different conclusion using suspiciously similar evidence.
REVIEW THEIR EVIDENCE (opens in a new tab)We are aware of
footballisnotgay.com.
They seem stressed.
— THE RESEARCH TEAM
TWO WEBSITES.
ONE SPORT.
NO RESOLUTION.
ONE SPORT.
NO RESOLUTION.
A VERY SERIOUS FUNDRAISING APPEALFUND THE
FUND THE
RESEARCH.
The debate has gone on long enough.
Unfortunately, research isn’t free.
No scientific research will actually occur.
Your contribution supports independent football research of questionable necessity.
DONATIONS OPENING SOON04 / WEAR YOUR CONCLUSIONCHOOSE
CHOOSE
A SIDE.
We don’t care which one.
We own both domains.
FOOTBALL IS GAY.
THE HOME TEAM$25 USD minimum per shirt
Sizes: S, M, L, XL, XXL, XXXL
At Stripe checkout, pay $25 USD or more, identify your shirt design, select your size, and provide your shipping details.
FOOTBALL IS NOT GAY.
THE AWAY TEAM$25 USD minimum per shirt
Sizes: S, M, L, XL, XXL, XXXL
At Stripe checkout, pay $25 USD or more, identify your shirt design, select your size, and provide your shipping details.
THE INSTITUTE, BRIEFLY.
ABOUT THE RESEARCH.
Football Is Gay is an independent research initiative dedicated to answering a question nobody needed answered.
Our methodology consists primarily of watching football, reading football terminology, and drawing wildly unnecessary conclusions.
Results remain inconclusive.