The institute has completed its latest review of football. Football was present throughout.
The review included a ball, two teams, several whistles, and a man on television explaining what had just happened. Researchers described the findings as consistent with previous Sundays.
No conclusions about anyone’s sexuality were drawn. An entire conclusion about the sport was drawn instead.
The institute intends to repeat the experiment next weekend. Snacks have been budgeted for. The budget is imaginary.